Forgive me for starting this out all mushy like, but: I love you guys. This has been one of my favorite places to escape to for the last couple years. I call you guys 'my friends' when I'm talking to others, and I often, in every day life, refer to conversations or things going on here. It's kind of like my Star Wars home away from home.
Now to the sad part. Ever since I originally got on the Cantina, my dad has disapproved. When I originally joined, I did so secretly. And I secretly posted and such for a good many months. Then I disappeared for a long time, which was when my dad found out I was on here and kicked me off. Then...I came back. I was older, and I figured there would be nothing wrong with it. Which...I knew in the back of my mind that he wouldn't approve, but I went ahead with it anyway. And so things went for the last couple years or so. I can't even remember when I originally joined, it's been so long. But I never let my dad know that I was here, until the last 6 months or so. When he found out I was back on the forums, though he was disapproving, he didn't say no. And I clung to that fact for all I was worth, and so justified my continuing visits. Just a couple of weeks ago, my dad even said that he didn't see anything wrong with me being on here every once in awhile. But, as you all know, I'm on here much more often than every once in awhile. I was so excited that he 'approved', though, that I ignored that part.
Now onto the next part. If you know my dad, you'll know that he is short on memory. He forgets that he said things. And he also says things he doesn't mean. When he said that he didn't see anything wrong with me being on here, I was shocked, but I thought nothing more of it. It has come to my attention (today) that he said so accidentally. He never meant to say that he approved of my visiting the Cantina. On the contrary, he really wishes that I wouldn't. It has nothing to do with Star Wars, or you guys. But he has always been afraid of online forums. It's a caution he clings to. And while I've known this all these years, I've always ignored that fact. My mom approved of the site, and that's all I needed for justification in my eyes.
While most of you may not agree with this next part, it's something I feel that I have to do. I'm not going to rest if I just let it go. And if I do end up being okay with it, it's only because I've gone cold to what my conscience is telling me. Which is what I've been doing in the past, and I'm not happy with that. This may seem like such a little thing, but little things always precede bigger things.
Today I've decided that I am going to have to take my leave of the EU Cantina. It's something I've considered ever since I joined, but I've never actually gone through with the idea. But here are my reasons:
1. I'm a Christian, and I do not feel that God would be happy with my continuing to visit a site while my dad looks on disapprovingly.
2. The Bible specifically says to honor and obey your parents. In visiting the Cantina when I know my dad wouldn't agree, I am deliberately disobeying and dishonoring him.
3. My dad and I haven't gotten along in years. We argue about everything. And I do mean everything. We couldn't agree on the color of grass if such a debate was started. And I honestly believe this could be an underlying reason. For the most part, I'm a pretty good girl. But this is a big thing that I've been doing in conflict with my dad's wishes. If I'm knowingly disobeying my parents, I can't see that God would be blessing that relationship too much. If that makes any sense.
4. While I'm a big girl now, I feel that while I'm living in my parents' house, I need to adhere to their wishes/rules. And being on here is not on the list of 'okay things to be doing'.
So while you may not understand that one bit, or while you may not agree with it, that's what I'm going to stand by. I would like to keep my account intact, as I don't wish for this to be a permanent departure. Just until such time as my dad changes his mind, and/or I get married or something. That may seem silly to some, but it's just a conviction I have. If I'm in my parents' house, I think I should abide by their rules. Once I live somewhere else, such as if I get married, I see nothing wrong with visiting the site. Cause you guys are awesome.
It may be that I never come back here, cause who knows what life has in store. Or it may be that if/when I do return, most of you will be gone. But...that's what happens in life. It moves on, with or without you. But I really can't have something like a forum hindering mine and my dad's relationship. It's something I really would like to heal, and yet I've been unwilling to solve our biggest disagreement: EU Cantina.
This is nothing against you guys, and not to say that you're trivial or anything of the sort. But in all honesty, my family has to come first. I'm sure you understand.
To those in the RPG, I apologize for having to leave you guys hanging. I'll stick around long enough to bow my character out of that story. To Andrew, I apologize that I'm going to have to hand the management of the Release Schedule back to you. It's my fault that I took the responsibility in the first place when I knew I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry about that.
I do plan to come back and visit occasionally, but I can't promise that it'll be often. The more often I get on here, the more tempted I'll be to rejoin. And that's another thing. I need you guys to help shoo me away if I start to go back on this. That may seem funny, but I'm serious. Sometimes I need help when I convince myself to do something. It's not always easy upholding a conviction you place on yourself, if you know what I mean. So your help would be appreciated.
So, I'll shut up before this gets any longer, but to all of you guys: Thanks so much for the great times! I'm so sorry this had to happen, but it's my fault in the first place. I love you guys, and I hope I can come back one day. But whatever happens, I'm glad to have met all of you. May God bless you all, and so long.
`Mara Jade Skywalker
"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker