Star Wars Slogans and Product Jingles

So this is basically inspired by an occurrence on the chat a few days ago where several of us were coming up with crazy slogans and such which were all pretty funny. As it doesn't appear that we have a thread devoted to this I thought I'd create one.

Basically you can post in this thread any funny slogan you can come up with (or marketing jingle/ad for an imaginary Star Wars universe product). As occurred in the chat feel free to add to someone else's idea if you come up with something.

For example (thanks to Mara and Skuldren, I felt this idea was too good to let it be erased on the chat board):

Palpatine: "Does the Dark Side make my face look wrinkly?"

Darth Vader: "Yes Master. But you should try this Rule of Two moisturizing cream. I buy it at the Sith Lords Rule, Jedi Drool cosmetic shop on Korriban, it does wonders for my skin."

Palpatine: "I can see that. Your head is as smooth as a babies bottom, if we ignore the burn scar."
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This is an awesome idea! And thanks for saving those lines from the chat. They were hilarious! Laughing

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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker

Glad you like it, and your welcome! I hope they continue to provide laughs for a long time. Very Happy

Clone Army: 1 billion credits

Supplying the army for a multi-year, multi-planet war: 500 million credits

Watching the unsuspecting Jedi get gunned down by the clone army as a result of two words and a number: priceless

There are some things credits can't buy. For everything else there is the IBCCard

(yes I know the costs are probably much lower than what it actually cost the Republic, I wasn't in the mood for serious number crunching)
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Original Sith slogan: "The Dark Side, it's not just for Jedi anymore."
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-Bring on your thousands, one at a time or all in a rush. I don't give a damn. None shall pass.
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-To become a Jedi, it is not the Force one must learn to control but oneself.
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-Podcasts: Star Wars Beyond the Films, The Star Wars Report, & EUCast

Master Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 1348

The mastercard one is hilarious!

Here's one I came up with:

"Hi, Billy Mays here for Gungan-B-Gone!

Are you tired of having an annoying Gungan follow you around? Do they get to the point where you just want to push them off a cliff? Well you should have no more worries! Just carry a can of Gungan-B-Gone in your pocket! One spray will instantly dissolve the annoying Gungan, and give you a better life. Take it from someone with experience:

'I just hated that Gungan following me around. I sure wish I had a can of this during my mission. Unfortunately I was stabbed by a Sith before I could pick this up!' - Qui-Gon Jinn's Force Ghost

The magic is in the technology. A special midichlorian-infused acid that dissolves Gungan flesh, and only Gungan flesh! So if you accidentally get some on you, no worries!

Gungan-B-Gone is a 50-credit value, but it's yours for only 19.95! You'll have a good feel about this, or your money back!

BUT I'M NOT DONE YET! Call within the next 20 minutes, and we'll send you an extra Gungan-B-Gone, with a bonus 'I hate Sand'-B-Gone thrown in. All for the same offer of 19.95!"

Ha ha, I hate Sand-B-Gone bonus Laughing

I can see the fine print on the Gungan-B-Gone: This product has not yet been approved by the Jedi Council. Use of said product by any and all affiliates of the Jedi Order should use at their own discretion.

Side effects may include runny nose, soar throat, Ewok pox, and ear growth. In rare cases there have been cases of self-disintegration.
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Ha, love the Original Sith slogan and the Gungan fine print. Laughing

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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker

Blue Milk - Taste Greatness.

Original Sith slogan and Gungan-B-Gone were great (especially Qui-Gon's Force Ghost supporting the product).

*Obi Wan, right after Knighthood, steps in front of camera* As a Jedi I have to be ready to handle all manner of problems. Sometimes its dealing in diplomacy

*screen cuts to "negotiation" scene of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon on Trade Federation ship; as gas starts seeping into room screen cuts back to Obi-Wan *

Or fighting a Sith Lord

*screen cuts to climatic battle sequence between Obi-Wan and Darth Maul; as Darth Maul falls backwards cut in half screen cuts back to Obi-Wan*

But no matter what challenges I face as Jedi I want to be at the top of my game when I get up each day. To give me that energy to be at the top of my game all day, every day I start my day off right with a bowl of Ewok-Os. They contain 42 vitamins and minerals that are essential to an active lifestyle and also contain special midi-chlorians boosting nutrients for the days when a bunch of simple tricks and nonsense just won't cut it.
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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker

Does Ewok-Os have little Ewok marshmallows? Laughing

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They'd better.
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All things die, Anakin Skywalker, even stars burn out.

So this is how liberty dies....with thunderous applause.

Those without swords can still die upon them

The world is a mess and I just need to rule it.

Of course Ewok-Os have marshmellows (little Ewok warriors with bows, spears, rock slings etc. and some rare ones of Ewoks on speeder bikes)! Where do you think the midi-chlorian boosting nutrients are? Very Happy

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*proceeds to sing the jingle to Ewok-Os*

"Spears, bows, and arrows,
AT-STs go kaboom.
Speeder bikes and scout troops,
And the Endor Moon!"

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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker