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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:12 pm Reply with quote  
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  DarthSanith
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Ok so I need advice. My parents and I have not gotten along lately, we mostly fight and this last fight I really pssted off my mom, "you went way over the line!"( I didn't call her anything bad or anything I just made her pssted) she won't even let me apologize! So I really need advice
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 PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:44 pm Reply with quote  
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  Old Master Ben
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Well, apologizing is the right start, but if she won't let you, maybe just give her time? Let things cool down, and then the first thing to try to do after you've waited is try to apologize again. I can't give much advice on the constant fighting though, without knowing the reasons behind them. And I'm not going to ask you to spill that here. Wink


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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:01 am Reply with quote  
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  DarthSanith
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Yea thx Smile she's cooling down now though so yea Smile
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:16 am Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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It's okay. We, the children, can be really stupid sometimes, and it makes the parents really aggravated. They have been putting up with us for however many years, after all. Doesn't mean that the parents haven't done anything wrong, but...they are the parents. And if we have done something we shouldn't have, I think it's our duty, as Austin said, to apologize. Doesn't mean that they'll accept the apology, and doesn't mean that they'll apologize back (if such is required). But at that point, we've done what we should, and can move on. More often than not, they will accept the apology. Personally, I can't refuse an apology that is sincerely meant. No matter how angry I am, I melt.

So, the other thing is to just let her cool off. My mom can get really aggravated at me when I've done something for the one thousandth time that she asked me not to do. And it takes awhile before she'll accept my apology. But once she does (never more than a day or so), all is well. Smile
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:09 am Reply with quote  
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  illogicalRogue2
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And remember no matter how mad she gets you'll always be her kid. Parents will almost always forgive their children.

I can't speak for your Mom or you, but as a Parent all I can do is try my best so my children grow up as outstanding individuals. Sure they are not always going to listen, sure my "rules" will tick them off to the point I'll get yelled at by them. But they are the ones still learning the MOST. Yeah I'm still learning as I go, but for the most part I've seen most things and seen other situations play out that I've got a pretty good idea of how life works when we are young.

The thing as a kid to remember is the parent doesn't have all the answers but generally the heart is in the right place.

I recall may "beatings" for making my Mom worry I was "Dead in a gutter" by not calling and worrying her. In the end with them all I needed to do was be extra vigilant in keeping them in the know about every change in plan and I was ok, but until I figured that out I struggled constantly bumping heads with them.

But given time I'm sure your mom will forgive you- especially if you continue to be sincere when you apologize.
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:16 am Reply with quote  
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  Cerrinea
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I've had a lot of experience as a parent and I just want to add something here. When you and your mom are butting heads, are you really hearing what your mom is saying? Or are you so locked into your own POV that you're just arguing back?

That's usually what happens when arguments escalate. Next time really listen to what your mom is saying. Even feed it back to her like this: "So you get upset when I turn off my cell phone and you can't get a hold of me."

You'd be amazed at the results that produces. The reason is you're validating her and that opens the lines of communication. Plus it shows you're really listening.

I can't guarantee she'll do the same thing back, but I'd be surprised if she didn't say something like. "Yes, because I worry when I can't get a hold of you.

Maybe she won't respond much the first time, but keep it up. It does open up real dialogue.

And remember this; no one is ever, ever going to have your back like your parents do. Every time my kids walk out the door, my heart walks out with them. And it doesn't come back until they do.


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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 8:45 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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illogicalRogue2 wrote:


The thing as a kid to remember is the parent doesn't have all the answers but generally the heart is in the right place.


So true. I try to only argue with someone if they're intentionally doing something to spite me. It can be hard to put up with over-protectiveness, but they're only trying to look out for you, not make you upset.
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:21 am Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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Cerrinea wrote:
And remember this; no one is ever, ever going to have your back like your parents do. Every time my kids walk out the door, my heart walks out with them. And it doesn't come back until they do.


Wow, Cerrinea, that really put it into perspective for me. Not yet having been a parent, I never thought of it that way before. Not that I've ever walked out on my parents, but I have left the house angry numerous times. Goodness...that almost made me cry. Confused

Anyway, thanks for saying that. It really gives me an insight I think I was missing. Sad
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 9:46 am Reply with quote  
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  DarthSanith
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Yea thanks Cerrina that really helped, I will being trying the things you suggested, hopefully that can be a new thing for my mom and I, hopefully we and just listen and stop as much arguing as possible Smile
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:45 am Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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I really agree with the "don't fight back and escalate" the situation. Just something to add: you need to keep in mind that parents have problems of their own and are only human. Sometimes a minor screw up by you is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Its not that they actually think your screw up is as dramatic and bad as they make it out to be, its that their day didn't need one more thing to go wrong.

In addition to just listening and not arguing back and provided your screw up was a minor one you could also try doing a little something extra (preferably a chore usually performed by the upset parent) to help out around the house without being asked or that is one of your normal jobs as a family member. That shows that you do value being a member of the family and that you are trying to make up for your mistake by making a contribution of equal value.
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 PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:03 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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I know the situation too well so all I'll say is this...

Your mom loves you beyond all belief. You will always be wonderful to her. She has frustrations of her own in life and things can go both ways, but try to see it from her perspective. She's got a lot going on and through all that she still pays attention to you, that's pretty big. You two will be fine.
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