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 PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 4:44 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Reepicheep wrote:
Today, not in an angry way but just in a confused way, I asked God 'why'? Why let me meet the girl of my dreams and then take her away?


For what it may be worth I've found that there were times I've been sure I met the perfect girl for me ("she's the one" etc. etc.) only to find out it would never be. Looking back I realized that in a lot of those cases, God, Fate call it what you will may have actually done me a favor because she wasn't the girl I thought she was (in essence I liked her so much I was oblivious to some personality flaws that would have made for a bad relationship in the end and looking back I finally saw that).

Not saying it is the same case for you but you never know. At least I would rather be optimistic and figure that I didn't loose the girl of my dreams in these situations but was instead protected from ending up with someone other than the girl of my dreams.

Before you go listen to some sad songs (which you are perfectly entitled to do) just listen to this song by Nat King Cole; it's a simple message and its basically what I try to do and I know I couldn't express it better:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r9To--8IVY
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 PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:28 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Aw, I like that song. Simple but so true. Thank you, Salaris. Smile
I still wonder how I can be satisfied with anyone else but I am beginning to feel slightly better.

@Crash: That's rough. Sad
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 PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 10:54 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
Aw, I like that song. Simple but so true. Thank you, Salaris. Smile
I still wonder how I can be satisfied with anyone else but I am beginning to feel slightly better.

@Crash: That's rough. Sad


I'm glad you're starting to feel better Reep Smile

Relationships are by no means the most important thing in the world, and if anything I've discovered that since people are constantly changing the one that you might think is perfect for you today may not be later and someone who wasn't will be. It flows, so don't lose hope or fixate on just the one. You'll come out ok in the end.
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 PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 5:41 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Some days I don't even think about it and then other days I can't sleep. Such is life, I suppose.
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Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 6:41 pm Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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Remember too that it is the vast minority of people who actually end up with the person they're with at age 18. It's an unfortunate stereotype in the media (Star Wars included) that everyone meets their loves at youth.

I don't speak with any of the girls I liked when I was in high school or early university (and there were QUITE A FEW). Obviously if there was anything there, we'd've kept in touch.
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 PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 3:03 am Reply with quote  
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  Luke92
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Taral-DLOS wrote:
Remember too that it is the vast minority of people who actually end up with the person they're with at age 18..


Can definitely vouch for that haha


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 PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:31 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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On the subject of relationship advice:

I also think everyone should read Savage Love, a weekly column (with an accompanying podcast, the Savage Lovecast). Written/hosted by Dan Savage, a gay Seattle man who edits Seattle's alternative newspaper called The Stranger, Savage Love is an advice column. He gives advice on sex, relationships, from all walks of life (straight and gay, male and female, vanilla and kinky, etc.) And everything is from a relationship-positive, sex-positive, non-judgmental standpoint.

I've been reading his column for about 7 years, and listening to his podcast for about 2-3 years. The advice he gives is really good. And, like any advice columnist, you can disagree with elements of it; not everything he says is for everyone. But it's good advice. And he's funny too.

He also gets political every now and then, and is an excellent leftist pundit.

I'll also point out that he and his husband founded the It Gets Better Project, where people (regular folks and celebrities all) post videos addressed to bullied teenagers, to let them know that life gets so much better after high school. It came about roughly a year ago, when within a short time, quite a few teenagers committed suicide because they were bullied over their sexual orientation (or, in some cases, perceived sexual orientation). It's a good project. High school sucks, but life after high school is so good. A lot of celebrities posted videos, including President Obama, Secretary of State Clinton, and a lot of the most notorious gay actors/musicians (Lance Bass, Chris Colfer [Kurt from Glee], I think Neil Patrick Harris did one, etc.)

If you want to read it, go to www.thestranger.com/savage. The column is updated on Wednesdays and the podcast on Tuesdays.

There is swearing and a lot of frank sex talk, but it's accessible to teens as well.
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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:52 pm Reply with quote  
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  Dancelittleewok
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I've decided that if I'm attracted to someone, I'm better off running in the opposite direction.
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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:32 pm Reply with quote  
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  Crash Override
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Dancelittleewok wrote:
I've decided that if I'm attracted to someone, I'm better off running in the opposite direction.


Why's that?


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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:50 pm Reply with quote  
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  Crash Override
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What type of guy?


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 PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:55 pm Reply with quote  
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  VileZero
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Crash Override wrote:
I used to have trouble with fixating upon one person, but it's really not worth the grief that you create for yourself, especially if you were never in a romantic relationship with her. The problem is that you create an idealized version of what you would hope for a relationship to be like with that person and it's like an absolute best case scenario, and even if you were to get into a relationship with the person, it probably wouldn't meet that.

And you can't let yourself focus on someone that is unavailable to the point that it precludes you having happiness with someone else. You have to move on and find someone else. Spending your life waiting for someone to become available inevitably leads to that same idealization, if it's not already a product of it, and the actual relationship isn't going to match it.


That is such good advice. I wish I'd read that a couple months back. I do the same thing, I guess. Create an idealized version, overlook the flaws initially... and then the house of cards comes crashing down and - voila. You were rockin' a lie for as long as you could.


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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:25 am Reply with quote  
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  FateotJediFreak
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Taral-DLOS wrote:
I used to be incredibly unlucky in love. It was actually quite funny just how unlucky. Every single girl I ever had feelings for always found me to be the "friend."


Know that feeling haha.....

I met this girl at a camp a few years back (i was 16 maybe) and i really liked her. We went to the same school and got to know each other but things go weird between us because i liked her so we kinda lost touch.

Eventually we started talking again and we became friends and it didnt take long for us to become best friends. During this time she dated a couple guys (one who was a cool dude who is a friend of mine now, and a complete and total jerk who i hope to never see again) and whenever she was down or mad at them me and her would go get a coffee or get something to eat and we would talk and have a good time.

Well after she broke up with the jerk we hung out quite a bit and I really started to like her again and i felt like she liked me too. (This was around June of this year and I am almost 21 now haha)

But alas she found out that i liked her a lot and when we talked about it she said that it made her uncomfortable and that she only liked me as a friend and she didnt wanna hangout with just me. So she basically just stopped talking to me and i got super sad. Sad

She left for college in California and she has started talking to me again and we are working on rebuilding our friendship. I havent given up hope on her yet because she is that special girl who i could see myself with! Hopefully i will be going to the same college as her next spring so maybe i could work some magic but we'll just have to wait and see Cool

Dont remeber who said it but its true that society today is telling us that we need to be in relationships at young ages and be married by 20. This just is stupid...
You'll find that perfect girl to be with you you just have to be patient and keep your eyes and heart open! (a dangerous thing sometimes i know...because you can easily get burned)

The newb to the forum submitting his two cents Very Happy


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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:13 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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FateotJediFreak wrote:

She left for college in California and she has started talking to me again and we are working on rebuilding our friendship. I havent given up hope on her yet because she is that special girl who i could see myself with! Hopefully i will be going to the same college as her next spring so maybe i could work some magic but we'll just have to wait and see Cool


My personal experience when a woman says she just wants to be friends she means just that and nothing you can do will change her mind. My own advice would be move on and just be glad you can be friends again. Best of luck to you though and if it works out great.
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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:34 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Salaris Vorn wrote:
FateotJediFreak wrote:

She left for college in California and she has started talking to me again and we are working on rebuilding our friendship. I havent given up hope on her yet because she is that special girl who i could see myself with! Hopefully i will be going to the same college as her next spring so maybe i could work some magic but we'll just have to wait and see Cool


My personal experience when a woman says she just wants to be friends she means just that and nothing you can do will change her mind. My own advice would be move on and just be glad you can be friends again. Best of luck to you though and if it works out great.


I also hate to contradict but my current girlfriend started our acquaintanceship saying she just wanted to be friends. Now she's my best friend AND my girlfriend. Sometimes persistence pays off.
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 PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:50 pm Reply with quote  
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  Cerrinea
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Being a female here I'd say that while there are exceptions, Salaris' statement is right about 99% of the time.

I don't want to be Debbie Downer here, but it really sounds like after all this time that she does just want to be friends, FateotJedi. I just don't want to see you set yourself up for heartache by pinning all your hopes on this.
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