Relationships (or lack thereof)

So things haven't really progressed with the girl I like, unsure if it has just been bad timing (crunch before spring break) or if she isn't interested. I haven't given up yet but I'm preping myself that I may have to move on.

However I've had a possible new development with another girl. Last fall we had gotten together for lunch and had a great time, but that came to a screeching halt because she was already seeing someone and realized I wanted to date her (I also confirmed that I wanted to date her when she brought it up). So we haven't seen each other since then and only kept in touch sporadically. She seemed ok with staying in touch as friends so I'd like to think we parted with our friendship intact (we've known each other for several years).

Fast forward to present time: within the last week or so she stopped listing herself on facebook as "in a relationship" and no longer lists any relationship status. On a whim I sent her an IM and we had a nice conversation. At the end of it she asked me whether I would like to get together for coffee and catch up (when she had asked how I was at the start of the IMing I said I was on spring break and back in town but aside from stating my current physical location I didn't ask if we could get together).

Even if we just get together as friends and that's it I'll still be glad to see her. So I'll enjoy the moment one way or another. That being said I'm kind of wondering whether things fell through with the guy she was dating and that she might be looking to see if I'm still interested in dating her. At least I don't see the logic of asking a guy who wanted to date her if he'd like to get together if she still has a boyfriend since it could basically just create a repeat of the events from the fall.

I know none of you are mind readers or can see into the future (except Padme' apparently) but I was wondering if any of you have experienced similar situations and can shed some light on the probable intention she has for asking if I'd like to get together.
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Master Joined: 09 Jun 2009 Posts: 1410

Honestly, if she's removed the "in a relationship" status and contacted you, I'd take that as a positive sign.
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Roqoo Depot co-founder.

Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4400 Location: Korriban

Don't get over-excited, but this looks good man.
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Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

Padawan Joined: 26 Feb 2012 Posts: 41 Location: Kesh

I know everyone has different opinions on this but what do you guys (and girls) think that the appropriate age to date is.
I think that it is about 16, but I wish it was 14 Confused

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Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant and Luke is having trouble.
Finally Obi-Wan says "Use the forks, Luke".

I think about 13, 14.
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I am a Star Wars fan. That doesn't mean that I hate or love Jar Jar. That doesn't mean I hate or love Lucas, or agree or disagree 100% with him. That doesn't mean I prefer the PT over the OT, or vice versa. That doesn't mean I hate the EU, or even love all of it. These are not prerequisites. Being a man is not a prerequisite. Being a geek is not a prerequisite. The only prerequisite is that I love something about Star Wars. I am a Star Wars fan.

I think it depends on a lot of things.

Maturity of the person, maturity of the prospective person to be dated, planned activities on the date, etc.

I was allowed to "date" at age 13, but there were odd factors at play. My parents gave me a lot of trust (I was a good kid, especially compared to my sister). The girl I was dating was also very mature and trustworthy (we knew each other through church, and later through her school's dances.) It ended well. Typical grade-8 wholesome fun. When I was a teen, I almost never dated at all. Half because all the girls I knew lived several towns over (I went to school outside my town) so it was really inconvenient, but also because I was really bloody shy back then. I was also socially awkward. When I liked a girl, it SHOWED. I must've been just one or two steps removed from the guys in The Creep video. Got better in University (you get more mature from being so far away from home), and got better still when I stopped obsessing about trying to get laid. Met a nice girl in the summer after third year, married her in July 2010.

Now, if I had a child who was not very mature, who I could expect to get into a lot of trouble, then I wouldn't let him/her date until they were older.

I think it's different with girls too (daughters, that is to say). Because you don't just take into account the maturity of your daughter, but also the maturity of those she wants to date. And I remember how my brain worked (or didn't work) when I was a teen. I remember showing outward maturity while secretly coveting sex. I know what teenage boys want, and I would protect my daughter from that. I know it's a double-standard, but I feel it's a fair one. Fathers are almost hardwired to turn their sons into Men, but protect their daughters at all costs.

When I have a daughter, I will purchase many weapons, and prominently display them in my office (I'm thinking a sword, some shurikens...you know, things you buy at Comic Con), and have a chat with any of her prospective boyfriends in front of all the weapons. Use phrases like "I'm ok going back to prison" or "If you come home after curfew, your engine and headlines might make me flash back to the helicopters flying over <insert war location; I'm thinking Hanoi or Kandahar or wherever>".
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It was the year of fire… the year of destruction… the year we took back what was ours.
It was the year of rebirth… the year of great sadness… the year of pain… and the year of joy.
It was a new age. It was the end of history. It was the year everything changed.
The year is 2261.
The place: Babylon 5.

Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4400 Location: Korriban

THere's an old joke that if a father kills the first guy who comes to pick up his daughter and leaves the body on the porch word will spread. I've seriously considered that, but I still don't know how much I want kids anymore so it might be moot.
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Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

Padawan Joined: 26 Feb 2012 Posts: 41 Location: Kesh

I've grown up a little bit faster cause I'm in the year level above my age but if anything that makes it harder for me cause all the boys are older.
My mum is the 'nice' parent. When I was talking to her the other day she said that she doesnt think I am old enough to date but if I really like a guy then she is willing to work something out.
My dad on the other hand probably wont let me date a boy till I'm at least 16.
My mum works at my school so she knows most of the people in my grade and she said that there is only about 3 boys that she would let me date.
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Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant and Luke is having trouble.
Finally Obi-Wan says "Use the forks, Luke".

My first girlfriend was when I was 13. My father had his first girlfriend at around the same age so my folks were fine. So I think your parent's experiences also come into play in addition to relative maturity levels.

Not to hijack this discussion but I just had a question regarding the girl who had asked if I'd like to get together. First off things went very well and we'd both like to get together again. She said I should call her about arranging something. Embarassingly I'm not sure about what the rules are on how soon I should call her. As my friends noted I've never dated a normal girl (with the exception of my 1st girlfriend the rest all had massive levels of baggage that weren't revealed until well after the first date; in any event I wouldn't rely on the dating codes at 13 to be the same for 25).

So that makes me hesitent to rely on past experience as a guide of what to do when dealing with a normal girl. Therefore, I'm not sure if it would be ok for me to call her tomorrow (thursday) or whether I should wait until Friday. I really don't want to screw things up by unintentionally conveying a sense of being desperate by calling too soon (I'd ask my folks but they haven't dated in 30 odd years and in the past their advice has proven to be outdated). Perhaps I'm overthinking this but it seems better to ask for advice then to torpedo my own ship and then wish I had asked for advice after the fact.
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Master Joined: 09 Jun 2009 Posts: 1410

Call her on Thursday. Trust me, she's waiting for you to call or she would never have specifically told you to call her.
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Roqoo Depot co-founder.

Padawan Joined: 26 Feb 2012 Posts: 41 Location: Kesh

I know that I don't have any experience in this area but if I was waiting for a boy to call me then I would rather he call me sooner than later. I don't know what other people would want though, I would just want that cause I'd love to have a boyfriend.
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Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant and Luke is having trouble.
Finally Obi-Wan says "Use the forks, Luke".

There is such a thing as coming on too strong and it's easy to cross the line, but if someone is interested in you and sincerely wants you to call them they are not going to be put off because you called too soon. That is just macho guy rubbish about trying to act like you aren't interested so that you can determine if the other person is more interested and blah blah blah. It's immature and manipulative.

If you like someone say so and if they don't like you they will say so. Don't make a big deal out of it and then you will know if you are wasting your time or not. If they aren't don't be a sore loser, no one likes that.

Calling a day or two after a date, during the week to set up a future date on the weekend is fine. If you call the next day and want to get together immediately, that might be a bit much.

I sort of agree, here. I see no problem in calling the next day (as opposed to the Three Day rule). If you're interested, call her - but, you know, not sound too overeager. I would often call after work, as I'm winding down, so that I could ask her about her day, show an interest (sincerely) and then ask her out.

Although, I do recall one time when I took a woman out, had a great time, walked her home, and in the time it took her to walk up to her flat, I'd left her a message on her answering machine saying with a cheeky message I can't recall. Luckily, she found it adorable Very Happy

.
_________________
I am a Star Wars fan. That doesn't mean that I hate or love Jar Jar. That doesn't mean I hate or love Lucas, or agree or disagree 100% with him. That doesn't mean I prefer the PT over the OT, or vice versa. That doesn't mean I hate the EU, or even love all of it. These are not prerequisites. Being a man is not a prerequisite. Being a geek is not a prerequisite. The only prerequisite is that I love something about Star Wars. I am a Star Wars fan.

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