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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 7:12 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Thanks for all the advice guys! I made the call Thursday and we've arranged to get together again (during the weekday after she's done celebrating Easter). Was nervous as heck when I called but apparently she was ok with everything. Knock on wood that things continue on their positive course.
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:49 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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I would like to table an idea that I have been quietly circulating that I think will revolutionize the dating world.

Everyone is familiar with the paradigm of "Dinner and a movie", whereby a fledgling couple (mayhap a blind date) goes to dinner, and then will see a movie? I believe dinner and a movie has its flaws. Dinners make people sleepy. People get stressed making sure they get out quick. Seating in the theatre is everything. Some people don't like crowds. These issues can make it so that you're not putting your best foot forward. People who are visibly stressed can react differently then they'd like to on a First Date.

Ergo, I offer this for the world: Movie And A Dinner.

Simple in its intricacies, seeing the movie before eating dinner is a great idea. Assuming you get off work at 4ish, you meet at the movie theatre box office, aiming to see the 5:30pm show. There are a lot fewer crowds, because prime movie-going time is closer to 7-9pm. More seats will be available. You may be hungry, but there is popcorn and soft drinks.

By 7:30-8pm (roughly 2-2.5 hours after the start of the 5:30pm movie), dinner rush at restaurants is dying down. You ate your popcorn at the start of the movie, so you're hungry again, but not so much so that you'll eat like a pig in front of your date. You're not worrying about needing to get out the restaurant quickly. You can stay and have drinks at the bar, if you're having a good time, are so inclined, are not driving, and are of age.

Another two important factors are:
1- If you are having trouble breaking the ice, you now have a perfectly good topic to discuss over dinner: the movie you just saw. That topic is enough to fully break the ice and could lead to any discussions. Maybe that movie reminded you of your childhood. And GO!
2- If you really think the person is a dud, you will know by the end of the movie. Maybe it's shallow, but first impressions go a long way. After the movie, you have a reasonable Out. Maybe you're not feeling well. Maybe the popcorn filled you up and you're not up for dinner. There are any number of believable excuses (used sincerely or not) that can be invoked to end the date after the movie, which is not as easy to do when the movie is following the dinner.

So what say you all of "Movie and a dinner"?

As a married man, I have no further need of it (it's more important for First Dates or Early Dates), but I could have used it as a young man. I've had dates ruined because of Dinner and a Movie. Missed the movie. Got sick from the dinner (lol, both those were with the same girl, if memory serves; one who "saw me as a friend")

Like Barney Stinson said about his dating lemon law: "It's gonna be a thing!"
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:03 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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@Taral-DLOS: Dude I do that! It works so much better!
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:15 pm Reply with quote  
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  Queen Padmè Skywalker
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@Taral: That's what me and my friends do when we go out. See an earlier movie, maybe shop around a bit until we're hungry, then grab something to eat.

I still think the lemon law could be a thing. Wink
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:20 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Queen Padmè Skywalker wrote:
@Taral: That's what me and my friends do when we go out. See an earlier movie, maybe shop around a bit until we're hungry, then grab something to eat.

I still think the lemon law could be a thing. Wink


I hope never to use that law in action, but I know the probability of me going on a date where I'll need it is likely.
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 PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:55 am Reply with quote  
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  Life Is The Path
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Lemon law?

Taral, cool idea!

I have my own ice breaker: 'would you like a pineapple?' Laughing
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 PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:05 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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@Life: Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris's character in "How I Met Your Mother") came up with a Lemon Law in one of the early season episodes. It is not unlike lemon rules regarding cars or electronics (if it's clearly defective, then you can take it back without consequence). Barney's Lemon Law was that, within the first 30 seconds or so of a first date, you have the option to end it without consequence. Kind of like "I've known you for 30 seconds and I already know I won't like you. Let's not waste an evening."

It's terrible, but the episode was hilarious. Barney kept saying "Lemon Law! It's gonna be a thing!" And by the end of the episode, a girl used it on him, and he was so happy that it had taken off.

The first How I Met Your Mother book, The Bro Code, included cut-out Lemon Law coupons to give dates that you reject.
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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear


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 PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:41 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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*scribles in notebook* movie and dinner so simple yet briliant!
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:51 am Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Another question due to ignorance and frankly something that has puzzled me for a long while: what exactly is the normal time frame in the progression from hanging out to officially dating to in a relationship?

From what I've seen with friends recently it will be pretty obvious after a month or so that they are dating but sometimes it has taken 4-5 months before they "officially" become a couple (if facebook relationship status is anything to go by).

On the other hand when I've talked with friends it seems that dating for a few weeks (less than a month) is sufficient for the girl/guy to qualify as ex-boy/girlfriend, at least so far as discussion of the past event goes.

just puzzles me as there doesn't seem to be any pattern or rules in this progression. To hear my folks talk about it though it sounds like back in the day there at least was some pattern where everyone knew what page of the playbook they were on.
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:21 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Salaris Vorn wrote:
Another question due to ignorance and frankly something that has puzzled me for a long while: what exactly is the normal time frame in the progression from hanging out to officially dating to in a relationship?

From what I've seen with friends recently it will be pretty obvious after a month or so that they are dating but sometimes it has taken 4-5 months before they "officially" become a couple (if facebook relationship status is anything to go by).

On the other hand when I've talked with friends it seems that dating for a few weeks (less than a month) is sufficient for the girl/guy to qualify as ex-boy/girlfriend, at least so far as discussion of the past event goes.

just puzzles me as there doesn't seem to be any pattern or rules in this progression. To hear my folks talk about it though it sounds like back in the day there at least was some pattern where everyone knew what page of the playbook they were on.


My last relationship didn't go 'facebook official' for like 4 months, but we'd been dating the whole time. Gauge it by what you and her feel comfortable with. A couple can be together romantically as a couple (dating I guess, didn't know how to word that so 'dating' will have to suffice) without it being super public. Let the facebook world and your peers wonder, the relationship is all about you two.
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 2:45 am Reply with quote  
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  Life Is The Path
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I'd say it's not so much about the duration of time (as in, after before 35 days they're not in a relationship, but after 36.5 days they are), but rather how quickly or slowly the relationship develops, how quickly their feelings for one another forms, takes shape and roots itself - which is different for everyone.
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 7:33 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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In some cases, there is a definitive conversation.

A little under one month after I starting dating my wife, I visited her and told her how I felt, thus explicitly stating that I wanted to be in a relationship with her. It was geeky and awkward (with phrases like "it is my hope that you have feelings for me, too." and "So what we've been doing is, in fact, dating.") But in the past with previous girls I had either moved too fast and creeped them out, or moved way too slow and ended up in the Friendzone. So I felt being explicit was necessary. Also, I had a healthy fear of talking to girls, so pushing through it did great for my confidence.

When she agreed that we were in a relationship, I updated my Facebook lol.

But it was maybe 2-3 days short of a month between meeting her (at a friend's birthday, end of May) to 25 June (2 days before her birthday; if I didn't ask her that day, I would've chickened out). That was 2007. We're married now. So all's well that ends well.
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"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear


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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:37 am Reply with quote  
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  DannikJerriko
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Friendzone Video by Hank Green. Got me a-thinking as I am in the both of the relationships he describes.

Edit: I should point out I am not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with anyone, and am not cheating. It's very complicated and probably boring for other people.
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:32 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Taral-DLOS wrote:
But in the past with previous girls I had either moved too fast and creeped them out, or moved way too slow and ended up in the Friendzone. So I felt being explicit was necessary. Also, I had a healthy fear of talking to girls, so pushing through it did great for my confidence.


This pretty much sums me up. I've yet to find that middle ground. I think the best I've come up with (in general) thus far is phrasing things along the lines "I've really enjoyed going out with you" or "would you like to go out this weekend?" Experience has shown that it often gets the point across of wanting to date but also seems to back fire just as often by pushing the girl away (or perhaps it works perfectly by weeding out the girls where dating them was a lost cause from the get go, I'm not entirely sure which).

Anway thanks guys for the feedback, it helps to know that there isn't some unwritten standard deadline of "must take certain steps by X time in order to make sure things move forward" that I've been oblivious to. Which I think boils down to I shouldn't assume the rules from my folkses generation are still in play (after X number of dates/time you either stop seeing each other or take the next step by holding hands, kissing etc.).
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 PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:44 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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@Salaris: Just remember that its different for each individual relationship. You guys will have a unique relationship to a point. The buildup will be different, the dates will be different, and the 'official' status is different. Some girls like a moment where it becomes official, some like it to develop naturally. Just survey the moment and see if you feel it or what signals you're getting.

On the subject of dates be super original. Saying "Can I take you out this weekend" is fine but women really remember the unique ones. I dated a girl who loved being outdoorsy and camping, so I borrowed a friend's truck and we went mudding out in the boondocks and then camped out and grilled hot dogs and s'mores and such. She loved it. Another girl (my last relationship) wanted something romantic, so I dug a hole on a beach and macguyvered a grill and we had grilled chicken with sauce that I made and veggies and then sat there and looked out at the water under the stars. You have to cater to the girl AND yourself though, because they can tell when you're doing something for them even though you don't like it (if you go to the movies you're gonna suffer once in awhile, its just reality). Feel it out and show you can come up with a date that proves you know her and are making her feel special. That generally speeds up the 'moment' as well.
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