Relationships (or lack thereof)

I read a lot of webcomics, and there were two that had brilliant and hilarious date ideas:

1- According to the blog section of xkcd.com, someone had the idea of picking a girl in a cherrypicker, driving to the beach, watch the sunset, and then raise the cherrypicker to max height, and watch the sunset again. Note: only works on the West coast.

2- According to Dinosaur Comics (www.qwantz.com), an excellent date could involve going on a hot air balloon ride, eating all the burgers, and then returning home by skydiving. Pretty sure it's unsafe and illegal, but the joke was to think outside the box.
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Master Joined: 09 Jun 2009 Posts: 1410

Well, since I really do not like heights, either of those dates would be the first and last date with me lol.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4406 Location: Korriban

so the girl that asked me out after no longer being in a relationship: two and a half weeks and three dates later she texted me to tell me that she felt she should be clear that she did not want to date me. I got the chance to talk with her later tonight and found out that she was seeing someone else and that she had only ever thought of me as a friend.

I'm inclined to think that the "I've only ever liked you as a friend" is a load of BS. Mostly though I'm feeling rather terrible since during those two and a half weeks I had done my best to demonstrate that I would be a good boyfriend (calling her up to wish her luck before a really important exam, calling her to ask how it went basically trying to show her that I wanted to be a part of her life). She had plenty of chances to say something but it also really hurt that she let me know an hour before she was in a performance I had promised to attend.

Couldn't be a worse start to the weekend.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4406 Location: Korriban

Indeed. I'm sorry that she strung you along, mate. It's quite annoying when that happens.
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Still in a bit of a shell shock but I just wanted to say thanks to you all, having friends to share this with made a difference in being able to cope with it.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4406 Location: Korriban

No problem man. I know how that kind of thing feels and I know how important this place has been for me in dealing with it.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4406 Location: Korriban

So conundrum.

My ex and I still talk all the time and we've maintained a strong friendship, but its been rocky (those of you who caught my drunken posts before I deleted them will know what I mean). She's coming back to the Midwest for her brother's graduation (which I wish I could attend as he's a good friend) and we've decided to meet. I'll be the one picking her up at the KC airport and we'll split dinner and the drive to and from her home so that we can have time to talk face to face and see if us breaking up was a mistake (her words not mine, which knowing her translates to "I made a mistake but my pride won't let me admit to it"). Now I ask: am I just messing with myself thinking that this is a good idea or not? I'm beyond conflicted because of the risk of having it hurt me again, but at the same time this is someone that hit me in a way that nothing ever has so I can't just let that go without at least trying. Food for thought for today is that post-relationship friendships are very difficult and cause a lot of frustration when coupled with other bad life-events.
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Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

I guess first off it would depend on whether she still seems to be the same person you liked. I had an ex that I kept in touch with and still liked enough that I might have given her another chance. However, when she did ask about going out for coffee she had also been telling me how she was in therapy because her last BF had messed with her head so much. I agreed and while I enjoyed being with her my instinct warned me that it would be a mistake to give us another chance. So I decided not to pursue because I knew I'd be getting myself into a very bad situation. What I mean to say is that it might be a mistake to decide yes/no before you've talked with her in person again.

I suppose what I always ask myself is whether I'll regret it more if I don't try. It sounds to me though that you'd regret not trying more than trying and being hurt again.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4406 Location: Korriban

She's still the same person. I can assure you of that. I've decided to go and just see what happens.
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Perfection is a lifelong pursuit requiring sacrifice. The only way to get it quicker is to sacrifice the most.

Padawan Joined: 15 Apr 2012 Posts: 9 Location: Alderaan

I dated a guy for 4 years; we were engaged and planning our wedding when we broke up, more or less mutually. I moved on to a new relationship, while he stayed single for a while, dating other girls occasionally but nothing serious. During this time frame, we stayed friends, and it lasted for a good couple years. We would meet up to share dinner and go to bars, or hang out and play games. I helped him move to his new apartment and put together furniture.

Then, a little over a year ago, he starts seeing another woman, this time more seriously. A few months later, he turns down my offer of taking him out to dinner for his birthday and hasn't said a word to me since, removed me from his facebook friends, etc. While I don't know for sure, I have good reason to believe that he put a sudden halt to our friendship as a result of pressure from this new girlfriend.

I guess the whole point to this story is that friendship after a romantic relationship is different for everyone, and it depends on the emotions of all those involved, mainly the original couple and any SOs they might have. Both my ex and I wanted to maintain a friendship. My current SO had no problem with my friendship with my ex. But then my ex's SO has a problem and the friendship dies. Also, I never maintained a friendship with any of my older exes, for various reasons.

In any event, I don't think it's a good idea to automatically discount friendship after romance. If it's something both of you want, it's something you should explore to see how it works for you. It may not last, but not all friendships last anyway.

(NOTE: the above statements are said under the assumption that the relationship was in no way abusive. Abusive relationships should definitely be broken off and no other contact made.)

So lately I've noticed a trend that the women I run into either 1) have boyfriends already 2) are married or 3) aren't interested in dating (or at least not dating me). After two years of disappointment or being hurt I'm feeling like I've used up the dating pool I have access to with my social group.

As a result I'm leaning towards trying out those online dating sites to see if that helps in expanding my network so I can actually meet women who would be interested in dating me. Kind of a difficult decision for me really because I grew up in an environment that saw dating sites as a last resort and for those failures who can't cut it "in the real world." In any event given that my goal is to find a girlfriend (not just date casually) does anyone have any advice on websites to use or not use?

Currently I'm looking at Match.com or Chemstry.com. I understand that match.com may cater more to the casual dating audience. But while I understand chemestry.com is geared towards those looking for a relationship I'm a little skeptical of trusting a computer program to find good matches.

Any advice you guys could give me would be much appreciated.
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Master Joined: 21 Mar 2010 Posts: 813 Location: Maryland

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