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 PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 10:24 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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She didn't even mention the letter, so I can only assume it never reached her. We're e-mailing back and forth about school and stuff right now. I have to decide my next move, but right now I'm just enjoying being back in contact with her. Smile
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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:18 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
She didn't even mention the letter, so I can only assume it never reached her. We're e-mailing back and forth about school and stuff right now. I have to decide my next move, but right now I'm just enjoying being back in contact with her. Smile


Bro she got it lol. She's seeing how you act post love-explosion-in-letter. But her being casual is a good sign Smile
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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 4:46 am Reply with quote  
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  Dancelittleewok
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Salaris Vorn wrote:
The other thing is you need to make sure you don't send mixed messages (being flirty one day and then kinda distant the next for example). Most of all you need to avoid at all costs sounding like you just think of him as a friend, particularly after he invited you to an event. That doesn't mean throw yourself at him, just be mindful of how your interact with him.


That's actually my problem. I can never find a happy balance. I'm either aloof as Boba Fett or subtle as a blowtorch to the face. For the most part, I can talk and flirt with a guy, but I'm pretty clueless about what signals I'm sending out.

The guy that invited me to the tequila tasting asked for my number. He invited me to another event and even sent me a PM to ask if I was coming. I'm not sure about his intentions, though. He has been seeing a girl for months now and still hasn't changed his relationship status. Flirting with me makes him look kinda...shady.
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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 8:04 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Caedus_16 wrote:
Reepicheep wrote:
She didn't even mention the letter, so I can only assume it never reached her. We're e-mailing back and forth about school and stuff right now. I have to decide my next move, but right now I'm just enjoying being back in contact with her. Smile


Bro she got it lol. She's seeing how you act post love-explosion-in-letter. But her being casual is a good sign Smile

Dude, you were so right. She just told me she got the letter. I'm so clueless lol. She said she "just moved and had to settle down first and think before [she] wrote back." I'm not really sure what to say to that.
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Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:12 am Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
Caedus_16 wrote:
Reepicheep wrote:
She didn't even mention the letter, so I can only assume it never reached her. We're e-mailing back and forth about school and stuff right now. I have to decide my next move, but right now I'm just enjoying being back in contact with her. Smile


Bro she got it lol. She's seeing how you act post love-explosion-in-letter. But her being casual is a good sign Smile

Dude, you were so right. She just told me she got the letter. I'm so clueless lol. She said she "just moved and had to settle down first and think before [she] wrote back." I'm not really sure what to say to that.


Say nothing to it, just be patient. No matter what her reaction to the letter turns out being she's obviously taking steps to stay friendly so no matter what you've got your foot in the door, the ball's in her court, other such idioms that mean its up to her response now. Patience, all will be revealed in time.
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 PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:37 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Dancelittleewok wrote:

The guy that invited me to the tequila tasting asked for my number. He invited me to another event and even sent me a PM to ask if I was coming. I'm not sure about his intentions, though. He has been seeing a girl for months now and still hasn't changed his relationship status. Flirting with me makes him look kinda...shady.


Is this the same guy you were interested in earlier or a new guy?

Personally I'd say it's sketch if he's inviting you to another event where booze will be served, could be the old "get woman drunk so she makes a bad choice" routine. I'd also consider it a big red flag if a guy has been dating a girl for months and still lists himself as single. I haven't met a guy who does that who couldn't be classified as a womanizer.
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 PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 11:17 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Caedus_16 wrote:
Reepicheep wrote:
Caedus_16 wrote:
Reepicheep wrote:
She didn't even mention the letter, so I can only assume it never reached her. We're e-mailing back and forth about school and stuff right now. I have to decide my next move, but right now I'm just enjoying being back in contact with her. Smile


Bro she got it lol. She's seeing how you act post love-explosion-in-letter. But her being casual is a good sign Smile

Dude, you were so right. She just told me she got the letter. I'm so clueless lol. She said she "just moved and had to settle down first and think before [she] wrote back." I'm not really sure what to say to that.


Say nothing to it, just be patient. No matter what her reaction to the letter turns out being she's obviously taking steps to stay friendly so no matter what you've got your foot in the door, the ball's in her court, other such idioms that mean its up to her response now. Patience, all will be revealed in time.

Got it. You know it's actually a bit of a relief knowing that the ball is in her court. She knows how I feel know, I've done my job.
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Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:28 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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It's over, guys. She's in love with someone else.

If anyone has any advice for getting over things like this, it would be much appreciated. This is going to hurt like hell. Crying or Very sad
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Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:55 pm Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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There are ways.

If you're under 19 I wouldn't recommend any of them though.

Tough break though, man.
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:44 pm Reply with quote  
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  Crash Override
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Well, I know from personal experience that logic is really no match for emotion, and you can't really help how you feel, so likely it will bother you for a while. I don't know the full situation, but it sounds like this person isn't someone that you have interacted with much in quite a while, correct? You said you haven't seen her for a while. If that is the case, I think the advice that I gave back on the first page of the thread is still applicable to an extent.

Crash Override wrote:
I used to have trouble with fixating upon one person, but it's really not worth the grief that you create for yourself, especially if you were never in a romantic relationship with her. The problem is that you create an idealized version of what you would hope for a relationship to be like with that person and it's like an absolute best case scenario, and even if you were to get into a relationship with the person, it probably wouldn't meet that.

And you can't let yourself focus on someone that is unavailable to the point that it precludes you having happiness with someone else. You have to move on and find someone else. Spending your life waiting for someone to become available inevitably leads to that same idealization, if it's not already a product of it, and the actual relationship isn't going to match it.


I don't think that in real life there's really any such thing as an ideal mate -- though I guess there's an opposing school of thought concerning one true loves and soul mates and so forth -- and I think it's harmful to one's emotional well-being to think in those terms. If there's anything that you can take away from the experience, I would guess it's not to idealize one person as a potential partner, but to try to let a relationship develop more organically. It's okay to be attracted to a person, but to let it develop beyond that before you're in a relationship with the person will only invite bad feelings. But yeah, I suppose you can't help how you feel so if that happens anyway there's not much that you can do.

I'm just advising from ignorance here, I really don't know what your relationship with her was, although I have gathered that you weren't in a romantic relationship with her but were hoping to be.


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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:50 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
It's over, guys. She's in love with someone else.

If anyone has any advice for getting over things like this, it would be much appreciated. This is going to hurt like hell. Crying or Very sad


I know how it feels Reep. There isn't a good way to handle it, there are just ways. Some have a few drinks, some dive into research or athletics, others just push their way through it. There isn't a right way to deal with a situation like this, but there are a lot of bad ways. Spend time doing things that have nothing to do with her. Hang out with friends, spend time with family, go out and do stuff. Write, meet new people, beat that game you've been putting off, drive to a friend-out-of-town's house for the weekend, anything to get away from it. And remember the rest of us are here if you need some people.
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:35 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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@Crash: It's probably good advice, but like you said, logic is no match for emotion.

@Caedus_16: That's exactly what I've been doing. My marks at school are the best they've ever been (the worse I feel, the better my marks get it seems), I'm focusing on getting another belt at karate before the season ends, and I've decided to teach myself Ancient Greek, all the while trying to avoid thinking about her.
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Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:16 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
@Caedus_16: That's exactly what I've been doing. My marks at school are the best they've ever been (the worse I feel, the better my marks get it seems), I'm focusing on getting another belt at karate before the season ends, and I've decided to teach myself Ancient Greek, all the while trying to avoid thinking about her.


I like your way of handling it. I drowned myself in kitschy sci-fi movies from the decades passed (80's back to 50's). I buried myself deep in Doctor Who, and since I'm fond of the occasional whiskey I went ahead and had a bit of a bender (don't recommend that one actually, tis expensive and you gain nothing but extreme dehydration).

You can handle this. Keep reminding yourself that you can. This isn't your only shot at happiness by a long way, and by the end of this you'll look back at it and laugh. Whenever you wind up thinking of her just hope she's happy, take a minute or two to be as frustrated as you need to, and then go back to what you were doing. But definitely make sure you're out and meeting new people and making even more friends, it helps a lot. Before long you'll start to forget all this to a degree and it'll sting less and less. But above all remember that no matter what people say take the time you need. Its not up to other people when you get over it, and its not up to them how you choose to deal with it. This is your thing, embrace it and have it as long as you feel is healthy.
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:54 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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I'm sorry thing's didn't work out Reep. As others have said hang in there, it's not like she was the one and only person you could ever fall for.

I agree with what others have said, do whatever you can to distract yourself from thinking about her. One thing I would add: whatever you do don't retreat into your own emotional fort and cut yourself off from regular contact with friends. At least for me doing that just makes me feel even more lonely and regretful that things didn't work out since the surroundings just end up emphasizing how your situation didn't change as you'd hoped it would. (Clarification: I live alone so the lack of human companionship is more noticeable than if you are living with roomies or family; depending on your living situation this may not apply).

Also I don't know how she pulled the trigger but I've been on the receiving end where the woman was pretty cruel about it. So if she wasn't nice don't feel like it's wrong to be bitter/angry at her.

I have a few select songs I also like to listen to when I'm feeling down. I find solace in listening to them (because the lyrics are ones I can emotionally relate to, I find the melody soothing or both). You might try that (if you do avoid the peppy optimistic romance songs at all costs, I've tried listening to them and invariably it always makes me feel worse because it just reminds me of everything I wanted and hoped would happen but didn't). If you want some suggestions PM me and I'll give you my track list.
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 PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:43 pm Reply with quote  
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  Crash Override
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I read somewhere a while back that if you listen to depressing music after a break-up, it takes you longer to get over it. I dunno how true that is and I can't recall or find where I read it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n30gxo5vwCM

This is the song I most identify with feeling like garbage after a break-up! Even though it doesn't really have anything to do with that and is just depressing on its own merit.


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