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 PostPosted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 7:16 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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Dancelittleewok wrote:
He hangs out with tons of girls, but nothing substantial ever happens. Kinda weird.


I don't know about this. I mean, obviously you have more info than I, but my whole life I've only ever hung out with girls/women. Main reasons being that, growing up, all the guys were into sports, and I hated playing sports. The result is developing with your closest friends always being female.

When I got married, the best man and two groomsmen were all women.

If anything, I became a more marketable boyfriend and eventual husband by having girl friends.

lol, my bachelor party ended up being the perfect amount of fun, because the Best Woman and Groomswomen all knew a) what kind of fun I wanted, and b) what kind of fun they did not want their own boyfriends to have if they were in my shoes (ie how far is too far). So they could toe the line without going over it.

Again, maybe he's in a weird place with it, but I wouldn't put much stock in the gender of his friends.
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 PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 1:20 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Dancelittleewok wrote:
I like to take the initiative. I can't just sit, wait, and hope a hot guy notices me. I'd rather do it (as long as it's not one sided), but I keep hearing that the guy is supposed to be the pursuer, that if a girl does it, then she must be desperate, blah, blah...

What's your take on it?


I think it totally depends on the context. There's nothing wrong with the woman pursuing in general but if it's in a very clingy/needy way it'll come off as desperate (similar to how if a guy acts that way he'll come off as desperate). So act like a normal, rational human being and you should be fine. For what it's worth the consensus with my undergrad friends seems to be that if the gal doesn't pursue the guy then he's got no chance no matter how hard he tries.

As others said I wouldn't take it as a bad sign if a guy has many women friends. By virtue of the fact that anthropology probably has more women than men in the discipline I probably know more women than men. And of course others have give different examples for why a guy might have more friends of the female persuasion than male. Of course context will always be everything so paying attention to whether the women act like just friends or all act like they're trying to get a date with him will help clue you in.
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 PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 5:48 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Salaris Vorn wrote:
Dancelittleewok wrote:
I like to take the initiative. I can't just sit, wait, and hope a hot guy notices me. I'd rather do it (as long as it's not one sided), but I keep hearing that the guy is supposed to be the pursuer, that if a girl does it, then she must be desperate, blah, blah...

What's your take on it?


I think it totally depends on the context. There's nothing wrong with the woman pursuing in general but if it's in a very clingy/needy way it'll come off as desperate (similar to how if a guy acts that way he'll come off as desperate). So act like a normal, rational human being and you should be fine. For what it's worth the consensus with my undergrad friends seems to be that if the gal doesn't pursue the guy then he's got no chance no matter how hard he tries.

As others said I wouldn't take it as a bad sign if a guy has many women friends. By virtue of the fact that anthropology probably has more women than men in the discipline I probably know more women than men. And of course others have give different examples for why a guy might have more friends of the female persuasion than male. Of course context will always be everything so paying attention to whether the women act like just friends or all act like they're trying to get a date with him will help clue you in.


Honestly I just think female friends are easier to handle. There are no pissing contests, the pecking orders are decided differently, and my female friends are fairly laid back and fun so its just nice to have so many.
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 PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 7:46 am Reply with quote  
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  Dancelittleewok
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Crash Override wrote:
It's hard to tell what's going on with the first guy, but if he hasn't called you I am guessing he's not interested -- but you mention being afraid that he friend zoned you because you avoided him, so did you actively try not to speak with him? If you simply didn't make an effort to contact him (as opposed to avoiding, e.g. not returning calls), and he didn't contact you, he's in all likelihood unfortunately not interested. And I don't think guys friend zone women.


Oh, guys definitely friend zone women. We call it something else: "He's just not into you." As for avoiding him, I mean he tries to talk with me, but my hands start shaking, and I bail by talking to someone else or fleeing to the bathroom, knowing fully well this isn't good. Despite my fleeing, he still persists every time we see each other.

I saw him two weekends in a row. We didn't really talk, even though he tried. We mostly spoke in glances across the room. I overheard him tell my friend that he liked her picture of me, because it showed off my pretty eyelashes. (Although you can't really see them in the blurry picture). IF he likes me, then he's pretty damn patient. I'm sure this is wishful thinking on my part, but I kinda hope he gets what I'm trying to say by saying nothing at all.

Any tips on getting past jitters with a crush?
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Last edited by Dancelittleewok on Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:17 am; edited 1 time in total


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 PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 1:58 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Dancelittleewok wrote:


Any tips on getting past jitters with a crush?



Honestly its really hard, but you just have to either 1) push through it like the Hulk through a wall or 2) date other people, people who you aren't so nervous about. You'll open up and then this guy will see more of you. And then your jitters will dissolve. Speaking as a guy who had this done to me I can say that while it isn't fool-proof it works.
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 PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:22 am Reply with quote  
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  Dancelittleewok
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Caedus_16 wrote:
Dancelittleewok wrote:


Any tips on getting past jitters with a crush?



Honestly its really hard, but you just have to either 1) push through it like the Hulk through a wall or 2) date other people, people who you aren't so nervous about. You'll open up and then this guy will see more of you. And then your jitters will dissolve. Speaking as a guy who had this done to me I can say that while it isn't fool-proof it works.


I made my worst fear happen: he's avoiding me now. By avoiding the anxiety, we're no longer on speaking terms. I saw him tonight. He didn't acknowledge me. I didn't acknowledge him. Not knowing a lot about him, I made wrong, wrong assumptions, and I acted on them. Instead of a womanizer, he's actually a hurt guy who got out of a serious relationship and is devoting himself heavily to his work. That's why he never called. That's why he never replied back.

In other words, I blew it.
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 PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:58 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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^^ I wouldn't say you blew it. If he's still reeling from a bad breakup, then either:

a) he probably wasn't ready to call you, and wouldn't have regardless of anything you did/said; or
b) he probably wasn't ready to call you, and if he did he wouldn't have been ready to date you and it would've been a mistake to date him.

Do you want to go out with someone who is still feeling hurt from a (recent?) breakup? Because you don't need someone who still mopes for their ex.

I know unrequited crushes are painful, but I feel that you're better off.

I remember back when I was in university, living in dorms on a floor with a lot of really good-looking women around, and being rejected quite severely (I overheard a group of girls saying something like "That <my>, he's so weird, eh? What the hell?"). I was hurt, but then after some long walks and a lot of self-reflection, I learned a lot about myself, and realized that it's better to be single then to waste my time pursuing people who thought badly of me. So I stopped trying so hard at winning the affections of women who didn't deserve my attention. It was a gradual process, and one that involved different types of rejection (by people who were genuinely friendly, but only saw me as a friend), until I found the woman I would marry.

At the end of the month, we'll be celebrating 3 years married. Good times Smile
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-Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear


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 PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:54 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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It would appear that I'm over Sara. I'm not sure why, but it just kind of hit me today. Some things you never truly get over, but there's a time when you can put your painful memories on the shelf and not let them dominate you anymore.
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 PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:42 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Reepicheep wrote:
It would appear that I'm over Sara. I'm not sure why, but it just kind of hit me today. Some things you never truly get over, but there's a time when you can put your painful memories on the shelf and not let them dominate you anymore.


I raise my glass to you (its peach juice) in toast. That isn't always easy to do and I'm happy for you Reep!
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 PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:46 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Thanks, Caedus. Smile *clinks glass*
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 PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:23 am Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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A few weeks late perhaps but cheers Reep! I'm glad you've been able to move on Smile
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 PostPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2013 4:20 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Question: Do you need to be head-over-heels in love with someone to start a relationship with them? To date I've only really been head-over-heels for one person and that person is off-limits. I've been attracted to many, many girls over the years, but never dramatically so. They slip out of my life and I don't regret it. I'm tempted to stop waiting for me to fall hard again and just... settle for less. Is this normal?
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 PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:01 pm Reply with quote  
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  Mad Wook
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Normal? Yes. Ideal? Maybe, maybe not. But there's something to be said about convenience. Wink


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 PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2013 9:01 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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There's something about dating when its not huge, its not full of great gestures, but its just fun. Reep I support the idea. You never know how important someone is going to be to you even though they aren't this instant.
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 PostPosted: Thu Dec 26, 2013 4:52 am Reply with quote  
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  Life Is The Path
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I don't think it's so much settling for less. You don't have to have 'love at first sight' to date someone. But you do need ... a spark. Not some 'my heart just stopped/fluttered' spark, just a simple spark of attraction. A deep love can come from the most sedate of origins.
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