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Okay...not to continue the depressing theme of friends, because I love my friends. But I feel like sharing woes at the moment:
Last year around August I started hanging out a lot with this girl I'd known for awhile but had never really talked to. We very quickly became absolute best friends. I loved her family, was at her house often, and we just had a blast. She has three sisters and I loved all of them, too. But I got along best with her, and we just hit it off really good. We would hang out as much as possible and just be the craziest/best friends. One person I knew asked when she and I had become so 'chummy', and it grew into a joke. Now she and I were 'Best Chums'. I even got custom necklaces that said as much. Was absolutely loving it (cause I've always had a hard time making friends) when suddenly it all came crashing down around me. Overnight we seemed to no longer be friends. I was about the same level of friendship with her sisters still, but she was no longer interested in talking to me. Something else she seemed to suddenly delight in was making fun of me in front of people. It seemed to give her immense pleasure, and this had never been an issue before. I was very hurt by a lot of the jokes, but I tried my best to laugh along. I hate accusing people unjustly, so I never mentioned it to her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited patiently for 2 months, hoping everything would turn right again.
When it didn't, I finally asked her about it. She was in a bad mood at the time (I have terribly timing) and didn't want to discuss it. I apologized profusely and a couple days later asked how she was. She said everything was absolutely fine, but I got the idea that she seemed to wonder why in the world I even cared. Not wanting to alienate her any further (and still having no clue what I'd done!), I didn't ask again.
Every once in awhile she acts like we're still the very best of friends, but it seems like once she catches herself doing it, she turns cold again. It's now been 8 months since it all started and we barely even talk. I'm lucky if I talk to her twice a month. I had been missing her so badly, I cried myself to sleep many nights. As I said, my friends are extremely important to me and I have a hard time acquiring them. I'm fiercely loyal, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe when I lose a friend. So for about 7 months I prayed and hoped that everything would miraculously get better. I acted like the best friend that I possibly could, but was practically ignored in return.
After 8 months of the same treatment, I've suddenly (almost overnight) become very bitter. Every time I see her I get very angry and make all intentions to ignore her as best as possible and let her know it. I cave on that plan most of the time (because I hate to hurt people), but sometimes I accomplish it, and I know that's not making anything better. I'm still very good friends with her sisters, but it's so hard to talk to them and not get upset/mad thinking about the friendship that's floundering/lost. I keep telling myself I'm just going to completely give up on the whole situation, but every time I do, I cave on that. I also finally put the 'Best Chums' necklace away. I'd been wearing it religiously, reminding myself how important my friends were to me and to treat them as such. Also it was a reminder of my friendship and a hope that it would come back. But I finally decided it was time to put it away. I also keep telling myself to confront her and finally ask once and for all what's been going on. But I keep caving on that, too.
Sooo...that was really long, but I'm just wondering if ya'll have any suggestions whatsoever? I know I shouldn't be bitter, but it's so hard not to be after everything's that's happened. I also know I should probably give up and move on. I shouldn't be dwelling on it so much, and I realize that. But the main thing that really messes me up is what happened in the first place. I just want to know what happened. Did I do something that greatly offended her? If so, I never meant to! And if I didn't, what in the world would possess her to do such a 180?
Yeah, so anyway...sorry about the length, and thanks for taking the time to read if you did! Guess I'm just looking for input. Maybe somebody to put the whole thing in perspective and get me to think rationally, I suppose. Thanks!
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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker
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