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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 2:24 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Yeah, I'm just letting it play out. Figure its like Kal said in a different thread. If its meant to be, its meant to be.
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 8:28 pm Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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Okay...not to continue the depressing theme of friends, because I love my friends. But I feel like sharing woes at the moment:

Last year around August I started hanging out a lot with this girl I'd known for awhile but had never really talked to. We very quickly became absolute best friends. I loved her family, was at her house often, and we just had a blast. She has three sisters and I loved all of them, too. But I got along best with her, and we just hit it off really good. We would hang out as much as possible and just be the craziest/best friends. One person I knew asked when she and I had become so 'chummy', and it grew into a joke. Now she and I were 'Best Chums'. I even got custom necklaces that said as much. Was absolutely loving it (cause I've always had a hard time making friends) when suddenly it all came crashing down around me. Overnight we seemed to no longer be friends. I was about the same level of friendship with her sisters still, but she was no longer interested in talking to me. Something else she seemed to suddenly delight in was making fun of me in front of people. It seemed to give her immense pleasure, and this had never been an issue before. I was very hurt by a lot of the jokes, but I tried my best to laugh along. I hate accusing people unjustly, so I never mentioned it to her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited patiently for 2 months, hoping everything would turn right again.

When it didn't, I finally asked her about it. She was in a bad mood at the time (I have terribly timing) and didn't want to discuss it. I apologized profusely and a couple days later asked how she was. She said everything was absolutely fine, but I got the idea that she seemed to wonder why in the world I even cared. Not wanting to alienate her any further (and still having no clue what I'd done!), I didn't ask again.

Every once in awhile she acts like we're still the very best of friends, but it seems like once she catches herself doing it, she turns cold again. It's now been 8 months since it all started and we barely even talk. I'm lucky if I talk to her twice a month. I had been missing her so badly, I cried myself to sleep many nights. As I said, my friends are extremely important to me and I have a hard time acquiring them. I'm fiercely loyal, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe when I lose a friend. So for about 7 months I prayed and hoped that everything would miraculously get better. I acted like the best friend that I possibly could, but was practically ignored in return.

After 8 months of the same treatment, I've suddenly (almost overnight) become very bitter. Every time I see her I get very angry and make all intentions to ignore her as best as possible and let her know it. I cave on that plan most of the time (because I hate to hurt people), but sometimes I accomplish it, and I know that's not making anything better. I'm still very good friends with her sisters, but it's so hard to talk to them and not get upset/mad thinking about the friendship that's floundering/lost. I keep telling myself I'm just going to completely give up on the whole situation, but every time I do, I cave on that. I also finally put the 'Best Chums' necklace away. I'd been wearing it religiously, reminding myself how important my friends were to me and to treat them as such. Also it was a reminder of my friendship and a hope that it would come back. But I finally decided it was time to put it away. I also keep telling myself to confront her and finally ask once and for all what's been going on. But I keep caving on that, too.

Sooo...that was really long, but I'm just wondering if ya'll have any suggestions whatsoever? I know I shouldn't be bitter, but it's so hard not to be after everything's that's happened. I also know I should probably give up and move on. I shouldn't be dwelling on it so much, and I realize that. But the main thing that really messes me up is what happened in the first place. I just want to know what happened. Did I do something that greatly offended her? If so, I never meant to! And if I didn't, what in the world would possess her to do such a 180?

Yeah, so anyway...sorry about the length, and thanks for taking the time to read if you did! Guess I'm just looking for input. Maybe somebody to put the whole thing in perspective and get me to think rationally, I suppose. Thanks!
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 8:40 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Somtimes stuff like that happens. People don't want to explain and it may be over something stupid that they just won't change their minds about. I've been through something similar (I won't go into details, we're helping you here) and I know what you're going through. I'm really sorry about that. You seem pretty cool and if she doesn't want to be a friend and just be superficial than maybe she doesn't deserve your friendship. That's kind of harsh sounding, I know, but it may be fact.
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 9:04 pm Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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Thanks...I've thought about that. I suppose I just can't help but think that I must have done something to hurt her, and I just want to make it right.

And of course I'm not perfect. I've done plenty of things that a friend should never do, but I guess I just don't understand this. The only thing I can come up with is that I need to move on. I've still got one other friend that I consider a 'best friend', and except for little spats, she's always treated me awesomely, and I've done my best to do the same. I suppose I should just focus on the friend(s) who wish to be such, eh?
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 9:12 pm Reply with quote  
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  Anakinlover89
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Sounds very similar to what happened between my ex girlfriend and I. You see when I first started college I met her and the two of us instantly became best friends. We were always together and I mean always, we loved studying together had almost every class together and we could talk for hours about anything from politics, sex, and religion. Of course by April the two of us were a steady couple. Anyway I became really serious about her and in July we were a really serious couple but stuff started to change. She bagan to do stuff without me and wouln't tell me any study plans. Afterwards I confronted her about and the two of us got into a huge fight and I haven't spoken to her since. At first I felt really bitter but I learned to accept that maybe God had reasons for what happened between me and my girlfriend. Also living in bitterness never helps anyone because how soon before you become bitter to everyone.
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 10:05 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Yeah, try to let go of the bitterness. I really doubt you did anything, sometimes it just happens.
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 10:56 pm Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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I will, yeah. Cause ya'll are right. Not that I didn't know it already, but it's just 'knowing' and 'doing' are two totally different things, you know. Guess I'll just have to convince myself, eh?

So anyway, that was just something I needed to spill, as I've been holding it in for too long. Thanks for listening and offering advice! Smile
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 PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2008 11:15 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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No prob. You know, its funny, but lately I've seen most of the discussion in this forum in this thread. I think its been really helpful for a lot of people.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:39 am Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Well I would suggest to not second guess yourself and blame yourself. Doing that can consume you as much as hatred or bitterness can if you let it. The reason she is acting so weird could be something completely unrelated to you and if you get in the habit of second-guessing or blaming yourself if you find out she was just going through a real rough time in her life you might find it natural to then start blaming yourself for not doing enough to help her.

Because like you I am fiercely loyal to my friends the above scenario has happened to me. I won't go into details since the purpose is to help you but suffice to say from that experience I can tell you that if you let it consume you it can take several years before you realize it wasn't your fault and that you had already done everything in your power to help.

A possible theory for why your friend is acting so weird is maybe something has happened in her family life or personal life (for example, if she had a boyfriend who really broke her heart recently she could be unintentionally taking her anger out on you.) If you're still friends with her sisters you might ask about it if you suspect it is possible.

Since you were such good friends did you ever talk about specific guys that you both liked or talk about anything of that sort of nature? Maybe she had a secret crush on a guy you both liked and found out from other friends that he liked you more than her. If it was a guy she's had a crush on for years it would seem logical that upon finding out that he liked her best friend more than her she might suddenly hate you. I don't know if this scenario exactly matches up but it might be a good basic foundation to go on as a possibility.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 11:28 am Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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Yeah, Salaris, I know what you mean. I can't help thinking that I must have caused something whenever something goes wrong, but as you say...that's probably not the case. I've thought about asking her sisters, but I've never gathered the courage to do so.

As for the boyfriend scenario, neither of us does dating. Now, despite that fact, there is one guy that I really like that I told her about. She always teased me (although reasonable teasing...this was back in the beginning) about how she was going to steal him. Of course...I was completely convinced that she was kidding, and I still pretty much am. It was just a joke that she loved to jab me with. I always took it in good fun, though, and all was well. We even quit talking about it eventually, except for occasional mentions.

So...it is funny that you mention it, because that was one of our more major jokes. I really, really doubt that's it, but I suppose it could be a possibility. Hmmm...wow, I never would have thought of it, though.

I'm going to concentrate on letting go of the bitterness and convincing myself that it probably isn't my fault. And I may ask one of her sisters if they have any idea. I was already considering that last night, just didn't know if I should. I don't suppose it could really hurt, though. Thanks for the advice!
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:32 pm Reply with quote  
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  Salaris Vorn
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Glad to have helped and the best of luck to you.

I don't know if this will help you get the courage to ask her sisters but whenever I have trouble getting the courage up to do something I ask "What'll you think of yourself tomorrow?" (just an aside this is from the movie Gettysburg and in the movie is what Lewis Armstead says to a young soldier cowering behind a fence on the Emmitsburg Road during Pickett's Charge to give him the courage to continue on). Asking myself this really helps because it gets me to stop and think whether I will regret never having the courage to at least have tried more than any negative consequence that may result from getting the courage to try.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:50 pm Reply with quote  
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  Anakinlover89
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Sometime it helps to just let things go to, I mean I know it's sad to admit but sometimes the best solution is to just let the friendship go.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 2:55 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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Letting a friendship go is difficult. This friend of mine and I were basically attatched at the hip for a long long time, but for some reason we both just started getting frustrated with each other and finally it disolved into a near hate-like feeling. I miss having him around to hang out with, but I'm kinda over it. I've got other things to do, new stuff to focus on. I've got other friends, and I hold on to them. Letting go really sucked, but I think I'm better for it.
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 3:38 pm Reply with quote  
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  SSGT Twitch Baatir
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one of my friends and i were very close then after we dated(for a week)we keep getting into fights and it sucks...
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 PostPosted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:34 pm Reply with quote  
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  Mara Jade Skywalker
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Yeah, it's quite hard to let things go. Sometimes it's just for the best, I suppose. You can remember the friend in a good light in the years to come, but move on with the people who currently wish to hang with you, and enjoy the good times while you can.

And there I go getting all philosophical. But thanks for the advice from all of you, I'll let you guys know how it pans out if anything changes.
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