Should families stick together no matter what?

OK, so I was thinking about this. I have a friend who is a transgender. She has been staying with me for the last few days because her parents "disowned" her and want no contact with her at all.

I thought about this from my perspective as a father. I can't imagine anything that would stop me loving my son, or wanting to stay in contact with him. I spent a lot time and money to ensure I could remain in contact with him after his mother and I split up.

However, I was adopted, so maybe I see family differently to those who have always had a family. It was something that I always wanted when I was a child, and has always been important to me.

So, is there any reason that parents should stop loving their children? Do you think parents can stop loving there children? Can you think of any reason why you would act as if a child never existed?

Note, this isn't about the rights and wrongs of transgender's, that was just the situation that got me thinking about it.

(I also placed it here, because I thought it was more a discussion type thing, than asking for advice or looking for a "right" answer)

Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4434 Location: Korriban

I think when you start a family its a commitment. Having said that I would be frustrated if my children's beliefs not only weren't the same as mine but were directly against them. I wouldn't disown them though, just try to remain firm. There would be stipulations for living in my house and such, and that's just how it would be.
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Master Joined: 29 Feb 2008 Posts: 745 Location: Denver

My son is only 2 - but the idea that I would ever stop loving him is beyond comprehension. If he fell victim to drugs or even became a criminal I would be crushed but I would stand by him and do the very best. There are rather awful cases where I don't know how I would feel - if my son became a violent criminal for example and caused direct harm to others. In such cases I imagine I would still love him - but I may not be able to keep him in my life.

If my son's beliefs differ from mine that would be OK by me (so long as he is not hurting anyone), after all my goal as a parent is to raise my son to be his own person and pursue his dreams and happiness. I can accept the fact that what will make him happy in life may not coincide with my own ideals.

If I were a parent, I would love my children no matter what, but that wouldn't mean I would have to unconditionally accept everything they did.
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Bly surmised my opinion exactly when he said:

On the subject of children, they should never be disowned. Period. Beliefs can be different, and any number of things can be different, but love remains.

On the subject of a marriage, I think it depends. To me, the only motivation for divorce that it reasonable is betrayal (in whatever sense you want to define 'betrayal'; I count infidelity). Noting though that non-monogamy can work, if it's consensual by all sides (i.e. your partner approves of sleeping with other people), I'm referring to instances of failed monogamy, where the commitments to remain true to only your partner are broken. That can be grounds for divorce. But the rest of it should be worked out. Married people take vows to do whatever it takes to make it work. Those vows should not be taken lightly. On that note, I also encourage the act of living with someone (and being sexual with someone) before marriage. It is possible that you and your partner cannot live with each other, or are sexually incompatible. It's best to get those questions out of the way, dealing with them before marriage, and breaking it off cleanly if it turns out it can't work.
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Families should stick together. If you decide to have a family you should be aware of the duty that you're giving yourself.

I'm aware that sometimes families have to split for safety reasons or whatnot, but it's the lesser of two evils.
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As far as children and disownment, the bond between parent and child is too strong to ever be completely broken. It can be strained and weakened, but it never goes away completely. In the end, they are still your child, no matter what they do.

But even though you do still have that thread of attachment, perhaps even a good chunk of time when you loved them and cared for them without reservation, it's still possible for them to become such a monster that you'd go to such a level that would seem incomprehensible for a normal parent. You have to go to the extreme, I believe, to be justified, but what if your kid becomes a serial killer? What if he kills people you know and love?

Typically if your kid becomes something that monstrous, there's some fault of parenting, but then again, there's some people out there with mental disorders or people who go through traumatic experiences and come out crazy. Factor in freedom of choice, and there's always that rare chance your kid turns out nothing like you and there's nothing you can do about it.

Not a fun thing to think about, but it's possible.

Under more normal circumstances, it's not right for a family to disown a kid over something so simple as a lifestyle decision. It can create distance and stress, but no one is justified in completely cutting them off or shunning them. That just doesn't amount to any good.
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^ Yes, exactly. The high divorce rate is due to nothing, but selfishness.
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Everyone wants to trade up, and it's become socially acceptable. That, and way too many people are jumping into marriages without any forethought or responsibility.
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Master Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 1355

There really should not be any love lost no matter what the child does. If I had a son that was a serial killer, I would still love him even though I would be infinitely against what he had done. When you put a person into the world, you would think that you would never hate them.

I'm with Bly.

But then I do see merit in sometimes removing yourself from family members if they just are nothing but trouble. I have friends who have disowned their parents for things that I agree with them for doing it. But when it comes to my children I couldn't think of anything that could cause me to do something so final. Disowning shouldn't ever be done lightly- nor without multiple chances offered first.
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Master Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Posts: 4434 Location: Korriban

Children are different than a spouse, I'd like to point that out. You can very much stop loving a spouse depending on what they do. A child, no, but a spouse yes.
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