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 PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 10:32 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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@Dog: What are your thoughts on dating sites? Is it something you have done or would consider?

I'm going to wait to join until a couple weeks into school just to see how my former crush acts. We talked a bit on facebook over the summer, so I'm just curious. The odds at this point are extremely slim, but the way I see it I've waited this long so it wouldn't hurt to wait just a little longer.
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 PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:04 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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@Taral: I definitely made sure that it was about dating ME in particular. When she dates and who she dates is up to her, but the things she has been through are difficult to deal with and not only does she need patience, something far deeper than just dating, but also time. That is a commodity I have a very short supply of right now. I'm at work early, I have school, I have my niece, there's little time for a relationship that will involve a lot of emotion right off the bat. We discussed it and for now we are friends, and when she feels she's reached a better point and if we both haven't moved to other things then we'll discuss it, but for now we're enjoying being friends who have a lot of similar interests.

@Reep: Batman t-shirt with an ancient history book? If it didn't work out can you introduce me? (kidding)

@DPW: The psychology I spent years learning (only to bail out to work on an education degree) helps a lot. I've always had a knack for gauging people, and a lot of it comes from a low self-esteem and growing up quickly sizing up how to make someone laugh or put them at ease since I'm socially awkward. All that work and stress wound up really getting me used to being able to pick up on social queues to an insane degree.

On the dating front I feel like I should put a lot of my dating perspective in focus. I have had two serious relationships in my life that were rather scarring (some of you were here for that and I'm still so....so sorry) and several small ones that have ended in friendship. Part of why I now just kind of date around is that I found what I wanted and for reasons I won't go into it could not happen, so I abandoned it. But it was such an ideal that I'm having to force myself not to hold up anyone I meet to this woman, and I think I'm getting much better at it (this recent girl would have been great if it weren't for all the complications). So that's where I'm at.
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 PostPosted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:07 am Reply with quote  
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  Dog-Poop_Walker
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I did have an Okcupid profile a long time ago, but probably out of insecurity I made my profile extremely sarcastic and now I feel like it didn't really accurately represent me. All that is to say that the people who messaged me were pretty exclusively not my type or people I was interested in.

Friends of mine who have used it, and other sites, who are better at being assertive for who they are and what they want, have told me that it just ends up matching them with people that they already know because those are the only people who meet the parameters they set worth. That's the problem with trying to meet people in your area, even online.

There isn't a problem with keeping yourself open to the possibility of a certain person, but that sounds like just an excuse to hold you back. You are not going to immediately jump into a long term relationship with someone, especially someone you don't know well, so that won't keep you from pursuing someone else at the same time. That's not being inconsiderate, that is how dating works and unless you have made a monogamous commitment, it's premature on the part of the other person to assume that it is so.

Of course if you do meet someone, and do end up in a relationship, then you might also find out you don't have as strong of feelings for someone else as you previously did. Or are just satisfied now.
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 PostPosted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 8:44 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Dog-Poop_Walker wrote:
Friends of mine who have used it, and other sites, who are better at being assertive for who they are and what they want, have told me that it just ends up matching them with people that they already know because those are the only people who meet the parameters they set worth. That's the problem with trying to meet people in your area, even online.

That's one of the things that always made me hesitate lol. I know it isn't a big deal, but I wasn't too excited about seeing people I know irl on dating sites.

Dog-Poop_Walker wrote:
There isn't a problem with keeping yourself open to the possibility of a certain person, but that sounds like just an excuse to hold you back. You are not going to immediately jump into a long term relationship with someone, especially someone you don't know well, so that won't keep you from pursuing someone else at the same time. That's not being inconsiderate, that is how dating works and unless you have made a monogamous commitment, it's premature on the part of the other person to assume that it is so.

*sigh* I know. On the bright side I suppose my natural sense of monogamy will come in handy in the future, Lord willing.
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Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
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There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2015 8:38 pm Reply with quote  
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  Queen Padmè Skywalker
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My cousin was recently married, Reep, to a woman he met on a dating site. She's very sweet and they seem very happy, so..I don't know, clearly you can't say they never work.


Tinder is the dating world's trash can. Avoid it at all costs.
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 PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 3:45 pm Reply with quote  
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  DarthMRN
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What country do you live in, Reep?

...I'm going somewhere with this.
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 PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 5:36 pm Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Narnia.
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Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 6:05 pm Reply with quote  
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  DarthMRN
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Never read, so I couldn't offer insight even if that was representative of where you actually live.

You better stick with online dating, then.
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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 6:46 am Reply with quote  
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  Taral-DLOS
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DarthMRN wrote:
Never read, so I couldn't offer insight even if that was representative of where you actually live.

You better stick with online dating, then.


One piece of advice: avoid dating the talking non-human animals.
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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 9:09 am Reply with quote  
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  Reepicheep
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Taral-DLOS wrote:
DarthMRN wrote:
Never read, so I couldn't offer insight even if that was representative of where you actually live.

You better stick with online dating, then.


One piece of advice: avoid dating the talking non-human animals.

Hey, Talking Mice put all men to shame. Just saying. Wink
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Where sky and water meet,
Where the waves grow sweet,
Doubt not, Reepicheep,
To find all you seek,
There is the utter east.


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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 6:58 pm Reply with quote  
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  Dog-Poop_Walker
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Furries. Sad
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Spread out all around us is a petrified world, a world of Things, where we ourselves, our gestures, and even our feelings figure in as Things. Nothing can belong to us as truly our own in such a landscape of death. Under commodity occupation the most concrete truth about everything is the truth of it's infinite replaceablity.


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 PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:10 pm Reply with quote  
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  Darth Skuldren
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Ha! So true. There's a place for everyone, even those who want to dress up as animals.
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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 5:17 am Reply with quote  
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  Dog-Poop_Walker
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Anyone want to play Dear Abby?

This doesn't quiet fall under the parameter of "relationships", but it's personal. There's a guy who really screwed me over and I never really confronted him about it. That was several months ago now, but I'm still upset and I don't even know if he really knows or gets it. I tell myself that talking to him would give me some peace of mind, but really I just want to be vindictive. I guess that's wrong and I should just let it go.

That and few other conversations I've been putting off and feeling really conflicted about having, and I'm not sure why.
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Spread out all around us is a petrified world, a world of Things, where we ourselves, our gestures, and even our feelings figure in as Things. Nothing can belong to us as truly our own in such a landscape of death. Under commodity occupation the most concrete truth about everything is the truth of it's infinite replaceablity.


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 PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:46 pm Reply with quote  
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  Life Is The Path
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Since you want to be vindictive, I would suggest probably not talking to him. It's entirely fair to feel wronged, and he probably did, but that's not a good way to go about it. Perhaps if you write an email to him, but don't send it, that could alleviate your frustrations? Or get a friend to role-play as him, and you can have it out in a safe manner. Or perhaps read said email to a friend and have them edit it to where it conveys your feelings and describes how they wronged you, but not in a vindictive way.

As an aside, I really hate it when people say to let it go. It's like they're saying your feelings don't matter. It might be a little thing, but it is important to you.
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 PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 2:25 pm Reply with quote  
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  Caedus_16
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@Life: Yeah, I'm not a let it go either. Generally I write out my anger until it's gone. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes just a couple quick paragraphs and I feel better, but that's how I handle it.

@DPW: I'm on board with Life saying you might want to write an e-mail you won't send to vent it. It really does help. I've done the vindictive thing and it really doesn't help, it just makes them as miserable as you. While that kind of helps it doesn't fix it and it won't make you feel better, which is the overall goal I'm looking at here. I would go with the avoidance and maybe just slowly walk away from the relationship if you feel that's needed.
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