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Wow, Skuldren, that was excellent! I sat down to read it last night and this morning, and almost couldn't put it down! It felt just like one of the short stories I might read in the back of Darth Bane or something. Congratz!
There were a couple of choppy or what seemed to be unncessary parts, but only a couple. Overall the story flowed extremely well and also contained sections that begged to be fleshed out at a later time. To have gone into detail during that moment would have been to drag the story out too much, but it laid a great foundation for a possible future tale.
The only criticism I have at this point is making sure you explain who is the focus of a certain action. In other words, there were times when you would say, "He felt a searing pain in his side." And I would be confused as to which character was feeling the pain. Things like that.
Otherwise, excellent job! I look forward to reading Tales of Darth Skuldren, which I plan on getting to in the next week or so. Good work! 
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"It's not about the legacy you leave, it's about the life you live." ~Mara Jade Skywalker
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